Oh damn.
Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn.
Firstly, I’d like to acknowledge that, as a whole, we’ve all had a wild year. With the insane amount of extremely influential celebrities who passed away, awful acts of violence around the country, and the presidential election looming over our heads and finally coming to a (very terrible)conclusion, it was all a lot to handle.
But it’s a really strange feeling to see all that and admit to myself that I feel the best I’ve ever felt. And I think it’s definitely wise to reflect on every aspect of the past year.
So, personally, this has been a very transformative year for me. The first half was one of the most awful times I’ve ever had in my whole life, so bad that I was suicidal at times. I broke down internally and broke the things around me externally as well. But somehow, through my personal strength, perseverance, dedication, and the incredible support from the people around me, I made it out. The second half of the year turned out to be amazing.
SO MUCH happened that I feel I need to do an overview. After all, this is my favorite holiday.
The beginning of my year opened with heartache. I wasn’t accepted into the acting degree program I had been fighting for and I desperately searched for a way out of Ashland to no avail. Then my darling baby kitty boy Tybalt passed away after being hit by a car. And later on, I had quite a big romantic heartache with someone who disrespected and lied to me in a big way. I took lots of time off school and work. I had a lot of depression, and a lot of mania.
Honestly though, the hugest thing that happened was when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in May. Things changed drastically after that. I started medication on mood stabilizers and vitamins from there on out. I learned how to take care of myself better and accepted help from my therapist for the rest of the year. I left my job for my mental health.
And lots of other cool things happened!
I went on an incredible solo road trip over the summer around the west coast. I hit up lots of waterfalls, Portland, Seattle, Whidbey Island, Olympia, the 101 Oregon coast, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, Berkeley, Sequoia forest, Reno, and LA.
I spent lots of time outdoors fall term. I explored Mount Ashland, grizzly peak, pilot rock, hobart bluff, lower and upper table rock, roxy ann peak, humboldt county, umpqua hot springs, all for the first time.
I went to KCACTF in Denver on a whim, wherein I conquered my fear of airplanes and had a grand time in general.
I performed in student showcases: The Most Massive Woman Wins, Portrait of the Middle Man, The Cuban Swimmer, and The Palace Wood Chronicles.
I was introduced to the wonderful world of puppet theatre and performed in Cattle Mutilation and Cthulhu: The Musical(and I’m not gonna stop anytime soon!)
I celebrated my 26th birthday with good friends, lots of tequila, seeing shows, hiking, and a pumpkin patch.
I moved into my own little studio apartment all alone!
I got my third tattoo, the triangle on my forearm
I auditioned for the BFA acting program and did my first pre-FA term in the fall.
This year was full of wine, karaoke, crying, panic, learning, laughing, travel, good people, pasts coming back into my life, bad dreams, good dreams, spirituality, art-making, loneliness, connection, and probably most of all, STRENGTH.
I’m starting off 2017 in a really good place. I’ve been accepted into the acting program and will be starting on that journey, a goal I’ve been pursuing for the past three years. I just got a job at one of my favorite restaurants in town(Sauce, in case you were wondering). I’m the healthiest than I’ve ever been, in every aspect of the word. I plan to travel more, love more, and make more art in this upcoming year.
January 1st of 2017 marks four years I’ve lived in Ashland. It’s so strange to think about. There have been so many ups and downs, and so many times I’ve come close to leaving, but I’m grateful for it all. I’m grateful for what this crazy town has given me. And I’m beyond thrilled for the adventures to come and to still be surrounded by the love that I am. My stomach is fluttering.
It’s gonna be okay. Even with the state our nation is in, I believe in us. We are strong. My own personal life has shown that and I think it’s true for the world as a whole too. Let’s make 2017 a year of strength in the chaos. I know I will.
I’m going to sign off with this video. One of my favorite musicians covering one of my favorite songs by my other favorite musician. I think it fits.
And the stars look very different today.
mothwingfeelings 